Seek and Do Not Find

What is it that you seek? Most of us just want to be happy…at least that’s what we think we want. The problem is that we seek for that happiness where it cannot be found. We seek for health, wealth, and love in a world made to keep these out. We wander this desert like nomads seeking water from a mirage to quench our thirst. Think about your life; think about your day. What have you found? What hasn’t changed or won’t change? What hasn’t failed or won’t fail? What hasn’t been lost? The breath you just took wasn’t enough. The rest that you found last night isn’t enough this evening. The love of your spouse yesterday wasn’t enough for today. So, we seek more. This is the promise of the ego thought system. It is the one promise that it keeps: Seek and do not find.

The reason is obvious when you stop to look, but you do have to look. The ego is an attack thought. Unable to love, the ego would be meaningless in love’s presence, so by definition, it cannot find what we really seek. We are left in the seemingly untenable position of seeking what we believe would destroy us. Love has become a Medusa-like thought upon which we must never look. The only option, then, is to distort love into something upon which we can look, something upon which the ego can survive. And that’s what we do. We seek love in attack, and we find it in sacrifice. Think about the world’s idea of love. We demonstrate the depth of our love by what we are willing to give up. Love becomes a bargain, and we barter for our lives. The martyr is revered. Sacrifice, divine.

Thankfully, there is a solution to this seemingly inescapable loop of doom! The solution is looking - recognizing that what we seek isn’t out there. We are what we seek. We’ve just forgotten what we are. As long as we keep looking without, we’ll never look within, which means we aren’t really looking.

We are indeed nomads, but of course, it isn’t the water for which we thirst. The water is but a substitute. The air is a substitute. All of it is a substitute. Not what we truly seek, these flimsy substitutions never quench our thirst. We’re stuck on a hamster wheel, too afraid to stop. The seeker can never find until he/she is willing to stop the wheel. Looking stops the wheel, and Forgiveness is looking. Forgiveness changes the purpose of the world we see and the eyes with which we see it. Forgiveness reflects what was never lost, and our frantic search disappears into the nothingness from which it sprang. Forgiveness is that for which we thirst, and it is that which reminds us that we were never thirsty.

Geez, these pretzels are making me thirsty. Gotta go get a drink….Cheers!

Gone Fishin'

So, what the heck is the problem with fishing you may ask! Oh, where to begin? Have you ever been fishing?

I’ve just returned from a fishing vacation. Some friends and I spent most of last week in hot pursuit of little green fish. That in and of itself could be the problem! The weather is always a problem. Sometimes, it’s the bugs, the tackle, the boat, the mood of said little green fish. Problem, problem, problem.

The seeming problem last week wasn’t the fishing. As most of us who have spent a long day on the water know, it was the catching! Sure, we caught some fish, but not the size or quantity that we expected. A friend sent me the following quote after our second day: “Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing it is not fish they are after.” Henry David Thoreau

A long-time fisherman, fan of Thoreau, and ACIM student, I have always held that quote dear. I’ve also said on many occasions that a true fisherman doesn’t have to catch fish to have fun. We had fun. Oh yes, we laughed a ton. But all of us had this tiny mad voice telling us that we should be disappointed, frustrated, etc. At times, some of us even listened.

Like everything else in our lives, the problem with fishing is that we think it is a problem. Actually, that is one of the things that I really love about it. To consistently catch fish, one must be able to solve puzzles. A good angler uses past experience, knowledge of seasonal patterns, weather, fish behavior, etc. to figure out where and how to get them into the boat. Of course, a puzzle isn’t necessarily a problem, and neither the fishing nor the catching was really the problem on our trip.

One problem; one solution.

The problem is that not catching fish threatened our identity. We all consider ourselves fairly good fishermen. A dear friend calls me “the fish whisperer”. I take conscious pride in my ability to consistently solve the puzzle! Last week, I couldn’t. I got the corner pieces and most of the sides, but the whole puzzle eluded me. Who was I?

Our little imaginary friend - the ego - defends our seeming identity tooth and nail. Who are we without our descriptions of ourselves, without our beliefs about ourselves, without our judgments? The ego is these beliefs. It depends on how we’ve “described” ourselves, because it is the differences (judgments). The fear over that loss of identity is what every single one of us experiences over and over and over, day-in and day-out. It is the disappointment, the frustration, the depression that we secretly delight in. Why? Because that fear reinforces who we want to be (separate, distinct, special, etc.) In the ego’s topsy-turvy world, wholeness is deprivation. Anything that chips away at our seeming individual identity is therefore perceived as a threat.

Think about your “fishing”. Are you a good mom? A good friend? A talented artist or skilled professional? Do you have a green thumb? Are you a master in the kitchen? Are you spiritual? Maybe smart or funny? Perhaps, you are unlucky, unhappy, or unfairly treated. What defines you? What causes some discomfort when it is seemingly taken away?

Spend a few minutes with yourself today – not as you define yourself but as you are. Try to move beyond the descriptions. Who are you without these ideas? Who is the you asking the question?

See you on the water.

The Problem with Fear

We are all afraid, all of the time. Sure, sometimes we feel safer than others. Sometimes we even believe that we can find safety here. We know, though, that it won’t last. On some level, we know that we compromise with fear every minute of every day.

The problem with fear is that we aren’t aware of its source. We think our fear is due to some external threat such as a disease, the bad guys, acts of God, etc. We spend every waking hour (consciously or not) defending against these myriad concerns. Defenses don’t protect us; they simply reinforce attack. Fear is always the result of a belief in attack.

Fear is an effect of the ego thought system, a delusional thought system dependent on attack and guilt. Fear is the result of a thought, a tiny mad idea, which we’ve given power and consequence. If we recognized for a second that a thought was the source of our fear, we’d change our mind, and Peace would remain.

Having identified with this thought system, however, we protect it as if our life depended on it. What we think is our life does. The only way to undo the fear is to recognize its source and decide against it. Within the ego’s thought system, we have no awareness that there is another way. (Remember, the feedback loop from a previous post.) That’s why we need help. We need a symbol beyond the insanity, beyond the closed thought system. Forgiveness is that symbol – whatever form it happens to take. The content of the symbol, i.e. that guilt is impossible and never justified, is the solution.

We can’t untie a knot until we stop hanging from the rope. Likewise, we can’t undo our fear until we stop hanging on to (or from) our guilt. Undo the guilt, and the fear will follow.